Spider Movie Mania - Arachnids Take Hollywood

The Ten Best Films Featuring Spiders and Other Eight Legged Freaks

Aug 28, 2009

Whether they make viewers horrified, squeamish, or just plain grossed out, spiders and other arachnids have earned a place amongst the creepiest creepy crawlers in film.

This article pays homage to mythical arachnids - spiders both big and small - that have graced the silver screen.

Just when audiences thought the worst ticks could do to humans was give them lyme disease, out came Ticks, a wickedly grotesque horror movie featuring Seth Green, Carlton (Alfonso Ribeiro) from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and that weird looking guy (Clint Howard) cast in most cheesy movies back then. Apparently, the marketing team for its VHS release didn't feel Ticks was worth researching and advertised, "Mutant killer insects terrorize." What caused these "predatory woodticks" to mutate? Growth steroids dumped into the water table by ruthless marijuana farmers of course! If Jason, Angela, and other campground killers weren't bad enough, these stoner ticks ensure campers will pack lots of Raid.

David Arquette, Doug E. Doug, and . . . Scarlett Johansson? Everyone starts somewhere. Needless to say, it's not the acting, the unoriginal mutating agent (toxic waste), or the predictable storyline that makes this film enjoyable. What did? Two words - trapdoor spiders. Not just any trapdoor spiders. Ridiculously giant trapdoor spiders that spring from unique hiding places and eat everything from humans to ostriches (yes, ostriches in Arizona). Second to the trapdoor spiders were the jumping spiders that flew great lengths to tackle their prey, even those on dirt bikes.

The Giant Spider Invasion, starring the Skipper from Gilligan's Island (Alan Hale, Jr.) and several other television has-beens, is the epitome of cheese. It's interdimensional spiders aren't remotely convincing, and the acting is horrendous. The film is so bad, it's good. Mystery Science Theater 3000 used it for one of its shows, completely ridiculing of the film. Invasion itself mocks the fifties big bug films, such as Tarantula (Universal, 1955)

Certainly, the spider in Spider-Man had a small part, but what an important part it was. The genetically altered (radioactive in the comics) spider that bites dork Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) is responsible for the fantastic Spider-Man, the moderately good Spider-Man 2, and the garbage that was Spider-Man 3.

Another fifties bug film, Earth vs. the Spider was also ridiculed on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Again, the giant spider is a tarantula that preys on humans. The sheriff bombs it with DDT, apparently not concerned about the health effects this could have on local humans or wildlife. The chemical knocks out the spider, but teenagers with their evil rock music wake it up. The movie tries to be serious, but the special effects turn it into an unintended comedy. An entirely different movie of the same name, starring Dan Aykroyd, came out in 2001.

Kingdom of the Spiders is also about tarantulas. However, these tarantulas are normal-sized but massive in numbers (plus, their venom is stronger). Due to the scarcity of natural food sources by pesticides, these spiders team-up to attack larger prey, including humans. Only one man can stop them - veterinarian Robert Hansen, played by William Shatner! The best part about it is that Shatner fails. By the end of the movie, the whole town is encased by spider webs.

Of all the disturbing moments in Stephen King's novella-turned-full-length-horror-extravaganza, none (save for the ending) is more disturbing than the horde of baby spiders that slice there way out from inside a living person. Hailing from a dimensional rift, the adult versions of these spiders have large fangs and shoot webbing that melts through skin like acid (question - how do they tie up their prey with it?). Anatomical inconsistencies aside, these spiders make great movie monsters and sources of horror for viewers and star Thomas Jane and company alike. It almost makes up for that lame spider-creature at the end of King's mini-series, It.

Does anyone remember Harry Hamlin? Before he disappeared into obscurity, before he was a sleazy attorney on L.A. Law, he was the toga-clad hero, Perseus, in Clash of the Titans. When the villainous Calibos stabs a bag containing Medusa's head, releasing her blood onto small scorpions below, the scorpions grow to human size. Why wouldn't they? What else is the Titan's blood is used for? Regardless, Perseus must battle these giant scorpions, dodging their brutal claws and piercing stingers. The good news - Clash of the Titans is set for a remake in 2010. Sam Worthington will star as Perseus. No news yet on whether the scorpions will return.

Literature produces the most fascinating creatures. Director Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy gives magnificent form to many of those creatures. Shelob, author J.R.R. Tolkien's gorged black spider, is no exception. Shelob only appears in the third installment, but her appearance is amongst the trilogy's best scenes. Led to her lair by Gollum (Andy Serkis, voice and motion capture), Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) nearly becomes the next fly in Shelob's bulbous belly. Fellow Hobbit, Samwise Gamgee (Sean Aston) fights her off in a sequence worthy of the epic. Shelob is the best on-screen spider in the history of film. Period.

Arachnophobia is awesome because it is semi-plausible, at least initially. Dr. James Atherton (Julian Sands) discovers a new species in the Amazon. So far, so good. The spider is venomous; one bite causes instant death. That's buyable. A spider hitches a ride back to the U.S. with Atherton's crew. That could theoretically happen. The spider mates with a domestic spider in Ross Jennings' (Jeff Daniels) barn. That's where viewers must depart from reality and appreciate the tale as weaved. Arachnophobia is a great film about killer spiders that doesn't take itself too seriously. It is filled with tongue-in-cheek humor, highlighted by John Goodman's performance as exterminator Delbert McClintock. Arachnophobia is by far the best film about arachnids.

The copyright of the article Spider Movie Mania - Arachnids Take Hollywood in Sci-Fi/Fantasy Films is owned by Jason Parent. Permission to republish Spider Movie Mania - Arachnids Take Hollywood in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.